Don’t join online dating and be picky! This article explains why you don’t want to make your online dating profile too picky.
What do we mean by picky?
By picky we mean are you asking for too many things from your ideal partner.
Do you want them to be athletic, tall, slim, with blue eyes, a doctor or financial analyst, enjoy walks, be great at cooking, funny, witty, good character, degree educated, big built, look like David Beckham… and so the list continues.
It tends to be a trait of women’s profiles, but men also do the same. I think we can sum it up by saying are you looking for prince charming.
How to stop being picky!
Next time you log into your profile, go and re-read it and ask yourself how many things am I asking for in your ideal partner?
If its 1-2 you can probably include one more, if it’s 3-4 that’s about right, if it’s 5 plus you definitely want to think about taking a few things out!
Many of you are now covering your faces going “yes that sounds like me!” and if you’re not many of you should be.
It’s something which is very common and even if you haven’t put it in your profile many women have it in their head, which affects things when they meet up for the first date as they are constantly assessing.
Is being picky a problem?
Now we are not saying that you shouldn’t be picky, after all, you are going to be spending the rest of your life with this person if things get serious and there is no point in doing that with the wrong person!
Being a little choosy goes a long way.
Just look at the high rates of divorce, infidelity, domestic violence, crappy relationships etc… you definitely don’t want to get to the stage where you are walking down the aisle thinking that things aren’t right!
It’s not really about being “picky” it’s about being unrealistic. Can you really ask for all that? Well if you want to, you’re going to be single for a very very long time.
It’s all about compromise
Remember that with marriage comes compromise, you have to learn to accept those small things that aren’t quite to your liking, you will learn to overcome them!
Focus on your deal breakers first and then re-evaluate the rest of your list
So if you’re someone with 5 or more requirements list them out and then decide which is really important. Is it that he is funny, trustworthy, is honest, has compassion etc.?
Think hard and go for what you would call the deal breakers and then take all the others out of your profile.
An interesting requirement that the majority of people have is looks! But we tend to think that is over-rated. Let’s push it to an extreme:
Imagine you had met him/her and they had the looks you were always lusting after. You get into a relationship but it turns violent, they are aggressive, foul-mouthed and couldn’t care less about you.
On the same day that you were messaged by them, someone else had messaged you, they weren’t quite as good looking, so you rejected them.
Had you have gone out with them, you would have found that they were warm-hearted, fun loving, caring and a great person to be around. Would you feel stupid?
Now we are not saying that looks don’t matter. You do need a little bit of spark and lust when you meet up, but overall how important is it to you?
What to do if you are a picky person?
So you feel you are a picky person, here are the next steps you should follow:
1. Edit your profile – make sure it only contains 2 or 3 requirements, which are your absolute deal breakers!
2. Go on a date – anyone who matches those requirements who you’re messaging gets to go on a date. ANYONE!! You are now beginning to expand your horizon, be open-minded and remember that they have the three most desirable qualities you were looking for.
3. Broaden your “type” but trust your gut, there is a lot to be said for gut instinct so if you go with the approach and it still doesn’t feel right it’s probably best to leave it there. However, you might just find a little gem which you wouldn’t have previously given a second glance!
Choosing the right person is one of the most difficult aspects of internet dating, but we hope that this might have given you a few things to think about.
If you were a “picky” person and you tried this technique we would love to hear from you.
As always we wish you all the best in your search for love online.
Why not have a look at some of our other great blog posts:
5 top tips when choosing your online dating username
Top 8 tips for replying to an online dating message
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