Top 8 tips for replying to an online dating message

Here are our top 8 tips for replying to an online dating message:

1. Get the length right

So you want to make sure you get the length of the message right!

If they have only written a couple of paragraphs to you, you only need to write a couple back.

Also getting into a long written conversation is not what you want to do! You want to write a couple of times and then arrange a date to meet in person!

Over time your messages will naturally get longer, but the first few can be fairly short as you’re getting to know one another.

2. Answer their question (if they included one).

Most initial emails from other people will include a question.

Make sure you answer that question in your response.

If you don’t it shows that you haven’t taken the time to read and understand their question. Which will not be a good signal to them.

3. Don’t include personal details

Don’t include your personal email or mobile number as there is no need to.

These are also classic examples of a scammer at work. So if it asks for this detail, either don’t go back, but if you want to reply do so with caution.

The number one rule is don’t include any personal information (such as phone number, email address or postal address).

Keep this to yourself until you are sure it is safe to disclose these details.

4. Write as you speak

To come across natural try to write your message as you would speak it.

Since it is short you could record it to your smartphone and then replay when it is time to type it out!

5. Include a question back

Always ask a question back as it should prompt a response.

We advise that you put a question at the end of your reply, this will be the last thing the person receives the email remembers and they will want to respond right away (fingers crossed).

6. Don’t try and make it funny

Don’t try and make the response a funny one!

It will only go to look like you are forcing the humour into your reply and that will not be a great read!

So just be natural in your response, if you think of something that is funny while you’re writing it then great, but don’t as I say intentionally go out of your way to make it funny.

7. Show them you have read their profile.

Try to drop hints in your response that show you have read their profile.

Try to pick up on something that is within your profile.

As we have always maintained, if you take some time in your profile and messages it shows you are serious and if you can demonstrate that you are much more likely to get a positive response.

8. Avoid spelling and grammatical errors

Avoid these errors by writing your response in a word processor (e.g. Microsoft word first) and then copying and pasting it into your message to reply.

No one likes to read something that contains a lot of spelling or grammatical errors.


So there you go! That’s our 8 tips for replying to an online dating message.

Take your time and get the reply right, this could be the start of great things to come!


You might want to take a look at some of our other blog posts:

Should you update your profile?

Don’t make these 5 internet dating mistakes

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