Most people fear being alone and yearn for love, yet they get stuck in a single life, repeatedly fail in their relationships and are permanently single.  You must remember there are plenty of people out there who don’t want to be alone anymore, in this article we look at ways to avoid it.

So how do you reverse the tide? They want closeness, but if it is there, it’s too much.

One obstacle if you are finding people to start a relationship with, could be the fear of commitment and yes it is a real fear. Here are the possible “roots” of this fear:

1. Causes

Its common in people who have a commitment fear that the desire for a partnership does not outweigh the fear of failure.

They suffer badly with a lack of self-esteem, they fear not satisfying their partner and being left alone again.

You find that people with low self-esteem cannot tolerate rejection and are easily hurt or offended.

They cannot imagine that someone could love them just as they are and they worry that they will never be the someone that they IMAGINE (note the deliberate highlighting of that word) their partner would want them to be.

So they either become very overprotective or flee from the relationship altogether.

2. Avoidance strategies

People who suffer from commitment issues usually develop avoidance strategy. The strategy is to not get into a situation that means you might have to commit.

It might mean that you even avoid dating full stop (which means, of course, you are never going to fall in love), here are a few examples of people deploying the avoidance strategy:

2.1. Saying you don’t have the time to date

When of course the reality is that they could turn the TV off one night and go on a date instead!

Or they could leave work slightly earlier one night and go for a drink. Does logging on to an online dating service really take that much time?

2.2. They prioritise work over love

Saying their career is important, or they must stay late to get something done when the reality is that even the busiest of people can find time if they want to.

No one can honestly be busy 24/7.

2.3. I fall in love with the “wrong” people

This is a very common excuse. But ask anyone who is married if they ever dated someone who was the “wrong” person and the majority of them will say “yes”.

It’s part of the course of finding someone you do want to settle down with. If you don’t date someone who is “wrong” how do you know when you meet someone who is “right”.

All of these excuses just hide the real problem. The real problem is “you”. You are the problem because you have commitment phobia. So you need to deal with it if you are going to settle down.

3. Look at yourself and your anti commitment schemes

The only real way to deal with it is to first accept and recognise that you have a commitment issue and you have a strong bond with the fear of failing.

This is not easy of course as you are admitting that your self-esteem is low and that you are covering up deeper issues.

You need to tell yourself each day that you are a good person, that you have good qualities and you are a good “catch”.

Believe in yourself and slowly but surely your self-esteem should build.

Then spot these committment cover ups and deal with them head on, don’t make excuses not to date and never fear failure. Its a simple fact that not all relationships can work and not all will. However, live with the believe that over time you will find one that does work and trust us, when it does it will feel fanrastic and will make your life complete.

Overall remember that in order to love someone else you have to love yourself first.

Conclusion

You don’t want to be alone anymore, there is nothing wrong with thinking that way.

I hope the above highlights some of the things you may be doing to stand in the way of love.

Believe in yourself and believe that you can find love and slowly but surely it might just happen.

 

If you enjoyed this article you may enjoy the others on our blog:

I don’t have the time to date!

How can I tell if someone I met online likes me or not?

 

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We can understand this issue if you were using the traditional dating methods. There are not going to be too many people in bars looking for love at 7am when your shift finishes or before 5pm when your shift starts.  But the excuse, I work shifts and can’t find the time to date, doesn’t wash with us!

This is one group of people that internet dating serves really well as it fits in and around your life. If you are a shift worker these are our top tips to still find love online.

1. Mention the fact you work shifts in your profile

We recommend that you work shifts in your profile so that anyone who you contact, or who contacts you knows that they might receive messages at odd times.

This means that someone isn’t going to think you are intentionally ignoring you if they send you a message at 5pm and don’t get a response that evening.

However, don’t make a big thing of it.

Don’t whine about not being able to find love because you work unsociable hours. You will just come across as someone who likes to moan and make excuses.

Just a simple could of lines explaining your shift working is all it needs!

2. Make sure you do reply

So you might be replying at odd times but make sure you do reply.

Most online dating sites have mobile applications, but we don’t think you should use these for messages as it can be difficult to type and difficult to check grammar and spelling.

We would suggest you reply once you get home if you feel awake enough or once you have had a sleep after getting in.

Perhaps you might want to reply at the same time every day so that it becomes a routine that you won’t forget.

But do reply, otherwise, it could be a very long time until they get a response and although they should know that might be the case with you mentioning it on your profile. Longer than 24/36 hours for a response is unacceptable.

3. Only reply when you are not tired

The problem with most shift workers is that they will be so desperate to reply, that they often respond when they have just got in and are very tired!

Avoid this by taking your sleep first and then replying.

4. Arranging a date

Arranging a date can be difficult, but the person you are meeting should understand this. If you can’t make a date/time as you are working, be the first one to suggest an alternative date/time, don’t just respond with “I can’t do that date”.

As long as you show willing to see them they will understand. Obviously, the best time to have that date would be on one of your days off so your not too tired.

Conclusion

So there you have it. No longer can you use the excuse that your shift work gets in the way of dating!

It certainly doesn’t help that is true.  But internet dating really does help with this and you shouldn’t let it stop you finding love.

 

Did you enjoy reading this post? We have some other great articles you might want to take a look at:

Which online dating site is best for you?

Ways to avoid first date nerves and anxiety

Join our community

So why not join our excellent Facebook group called “What’s the weather like up there” (We hope you like the name as much as us!), it’s great to share tall stories like this one, or tall humour, jokes, basically anything tall-related. You can join by clicking HERE.

 

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It is a popular and all too common reason for why people say they are single, is that they don’t have the time to date.

It is if you like the easy way out! We have run several surveys now to find out the truth and the reality is that most people do have the time to date.

In the world of internet dating, it’s so much easier and quicker to date that there really is no excuse.

So here is a good plan to adopt if you think this applies to you.

1. Find the time

We all say we have a busy, hectic life. But when push comes to shove there is time there to use, you just have to want to find it.

For example, if I told you now that a close family member had just been rushed to the hospital. Would you be able to find time to see her in the next couple of days? Of course, you would.

We can all miss a TV programme in the evening, or stop scrolling Facebook when we’re bored, or get up earlier at the weekend.

All you need to find is an initial 1 hour to fill out your profile and a further 30 minutes every other day to search profiles, send and read messages.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that all dating sites are mobile and tablet optimised so you can even do a great deal on the train on the way to work or at lunchtime.

2. Regular routine

Once you have found that slot then make it a regular routine to use that time to log on to your online dating account.

We do recommend that you log on regularly as it will mean your profile appears at the top of search results as you will be classed as an “active” user.

3. Finding time for the date

Now trust us on this one, if you really like the person you have met online you will find the time for a date, it really is as simple as that.

Why wouldn’t you give some time to a date, it could be the start of something really good.

Even if things don’t work out there is a very good chance that you will still have lots of fun and enjoy the evening.

I mean the decision between sitting in watching EastEnders (which you can see again on iPlayer!) and going out for a nice meal with good company. I know which I would choose!

Conclusion

So there you have it, can you really say you don’t have the time to date? No longer use the excuse!

Go on get your profile up and start enjoying the experience of meeting your soulmate.

Remember you can sign up via our website tallsingles.co.uk

 

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That’s a great question and actually, how do you know which online dating site is best for you?

There is no right or wrong answer to it.  With so many different types of sites out there and so many different things people are looking for, not every answer is going to be the same for everyone.

However, there are some steps you can take to make sure that you get to the right group of sites. We suggest the following:

Casual V Long-term

There are sites out there that are for casual/”adult” dating. Typically the format is that you message online, meet up and enjoy sex. You may never see them again and it’s certainly not going to be long term.

Then there are the “long-term” sites which people join to meet someone for a long-term relationship, perhaps even marry.

So think to yourself why do I want to meet someone? Do I want to be in a relationship for a long time or do I just want to have some fun?

Niche V’s Mainstream

Within the casual and long-term categories, there will then be “niche” and “mainstream” sites.

Niche means the site is geared towards a very select group within that category, so for adult sites, this could be, “spanking”, “bondage” etc.

A mainstream site in this category will cater to just adult.

In the long-term category, again you have niche sites, such as sites for “tall people”, “people who like hiking”, etc. But you also have your mainstream sites that cater to everyone.

At this point you need to think, is there one specific thing I really want?

If you have decided on adult dating, have you got any sexual fantasies that you would like to play out?

If you are looking for a long-term site is there one requirement your date must have, e.g. they have to be a large people (as your into large people), or tall (as your tall or want to date someone taller than you), or into painting (as you like to paint) and so on.

Shortlist.

Now you have refined as much as you can, there still might be ten websites that come up when you run a google search.

So you need to narrow down that list to two or three.

How do you do that?

Well, take a look around the site… ask yourself, is it user-friendly, clearly laid out, read the blog posts do you like what they are writing about? Does it feel like there is a sense of community?

Get the list down to two or three websites that you like.

Join them all as a “free” member

Ok so now it’s time to join the all the sites you have shortlisted as a “free” member. This gives you a chance to find out the following.

1. Are there members in your area?

You will probably want to start dating close to home so you will want to make sure there are singles in your area.

Let’s assume for example that website A has 5 members in your area meeting your search area, but website B has 500 members in your area meeting your search criteria, which will you want to join.

You can’t get to this data without joining as a free member.

2. Are there members who meet your dating requirements?

Again take a good look at the members, are they the sort of single people you want to meet if they are then you have found the right website to join.

3. What is the price of joining?

If you want to date people online then you will have to pay a membership fee. Without paying for the service you will not be able to read messages from other members or send messages to other members.

So again take this simple example, website A costs £20 a month to join, website B costs £40 a month to join.

Now you need to weigh up if you think website B can justify the extra £20 charge?

Note that not all dating sites are upfront about their membership fees and usually you can only get to this information if you join for free and then go to the upgrade page.

So now all you need to do is decide which of your shortlisted websites you are going to join based on these 3 factors.

 

So there you have it, which online dating site is best for you? Really comes down to what you want to get out of it.

We hope you found this useful.  Now you will also want to set up your profile correctly, so why not take a look at our blog posts on doing just that:

Do typos in your dating profile spell disaster?

Don’t make your online dating profile too picky!

What makes a good profile photo?

 

Join our community

So why not join our excellent Facebook group called “What’s the weather like up there” (We hope you like the name as much as us!), it’s great to share tall stories like this one, or tall humour, jokes, basically anything tall-related. You can join by clicking HERE.

 

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Sometimes single people using internet dating sites are never too sure if someone they met online likes me or not.  In this blog post, we take you the five things to look at.

By far the easiest thing to look out for is when someone is not that into you.  This should be a red flag to indicate that perhaps you should cut ties with them.

Here are a few things you might pick up on.

1. They tell you they will call and then they don’t

If someone is interested in you, they will make the effort to find time to contact you.

If they can’t speak to you they will send you a quick text to tell you why. If they are simply not making the effort to communicate with you it’s a good sign that they are not that into you.

At this point, you should start believing that they are not a long-term prospect and make the decision to stop contacting you.

If they don’t contact you again, then you know it’s over. If they do, then they have obviously thought about you and realised that they want to see you again, which is good news!

2. You’re the one always initiating contact and arranging dates

If you find that you are always making the arrangements, the next time you meet up you should indicate that it’s their turn next time and then just wait.

If they don’t contact you after that meeting, don’t contact them, after all, you TOLD them that the onus was on them to make the arrangements.

As a general rule, it’s in men’s genes to usually set up the dates, so as a woman you should think they are not all that into you if they don’t start to make the arrangements if they know you are interested in them.

3. They don’t respond to your emails or texts for a long time, sometimes you have to send another to get a response.

You should expect a reply within a reasonable amount of time. If you email or text during the day then it is perfectly reasonable that you might not get an instant reply given they could be busy at work.

However, if you don’t get a reply that evening or the following morning then you should start to think they are not that into you.

If you don’t get a reply at the weekend, when let’s face it most people have 10 minutes to send a text or write an email then I would suggest you stop contacting them.

4. At the end of your date, they don’t do or say anything to suggest another

At the end of a successful date, if you’re both keen then you should also both be eager to arrange another.

If you find that you’re always the one suggesting another date then I would suggest you think again. Next time don’t mention another date and see what happens.

If nothing happens then you have your answer… move on!

5. They tell you they are not interested

It seems rather obvious, however a lot of the time you are so caught up in the moment that you do not realise they are telling you that they don’t love you.

Also, they might not say it in such a direct way, it might come out as “I need some space”, or “I need to think about this” etc. So do not miss the obvious.

 

So there you have it, 5 telltale signs that they might not be that into you.  At which point you should cut ties with them and run!

As the saying goes “there are plenty more fish in the sea”, so move on and hook another!

 

If you enjoyed this article you might also like:

Ways to avoid first date nerves and anxiety

Fun First or Second date ideas

Join our community

So why not join our excellent Facebook group called “What’s the weather like up there” (We hope you like the name as much as us!), it’s great to share tall stories like this one, or tall humour, jokes, basically anything tall-related. You can join by clicking HERE.

 

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Why not take a look at some of our other posts which might help with your first date?

Fun first or second date ideas

Should you plan your first date?

 

Join our community

So why not join our excellent Facebook group called “What’s the weather like up there” (We hope you like the name as much as us!), it’s great to share tall stories like this one, or tall humor, jokes, basically anything tall-related. You can join by clicking HERE.

 

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So make sure you don’t date in the dark by uploading a photo today!

 

Want to read some more great blog posts:

What makes a good profile photo?

What additional photos you should upload to your profile?

 

Join our community

So why not join our excellent Facebook group called “What’s the weather like up there” (We hope you like the name as much as us!), it’s great to share tall stories like this one, or tall humor, jokes, basically anything tall-related. You can join by clicking HERE.

 

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There are plenty of times when it’s ok to say “No” in a relationship.

In fact when you’re in a relationship “No” really is a magic word. There are two fears associated with the word “No”, they are:

1. Hearing “No”
2. Saying “No”

These are usually spoken at the end of a relationship hence why people don’t like it.

Why it’s important to be able to say “No”

It’s very important to be able to say “No”, the ability to give and receive a graceful “no” is essential for dating success.

Believe it or not, being able to do this puts you at ease, makes you more confident and lets you engage with people as your most authentic self.

Imagine the scene you are in a relationship with someone, things were strong at the start but you can tell things are drifting apart.

The other person has actually fallen out of love with you and knows they have but can’t bring themselves to tell you.

This continues for a year, now that might seem like a long time but it really does happen.

Just think there for a second, that’s a full year in a relationship going nowhere just because you couldn’t face the “no”.

How to say “no”

You need to be tactful and understand that it is probably going to really hurt the other person.

Sometimes the message can be confused so really think about the reason. Be as honest as you can be. Although you know it will hurt, you can’t worry about them getting very upset, that is natural. Your only job is to deliver the rejection gracefully and respectfully.

Practise saying it out loud until it feels natural.

It might sound something like ….

“Thank you for letting me get to know you. Unfortunately, I have come to realise that we are not a good match” or

“I’ve enjoyed speaking with you, but I’m not feeling the potential for a romantic connection”

How to take a “no”

If you’re not expecting it, then “yes” it will hurt.

But deep down, you surely know as in the example above that it is better to hear that “no” now than say a year down the line. Do you really want to be in an unhappy relationship for a year?

Also, it is difficult to say “no” so don’t think you’re the only one having a tough time.

You can now move on. You’re free of that relationship.

From this we can learn two great things:

1. Dating is a numbers game. You don’t win if you don’t play.
2. Every “no” you give and receive is also a “yes” to what you really want.

So embrace the word “no”, trust me it will help with your dating!

 

Why not read some of our other great blog posts:

What is the reward theory of attraction?

Don’t make your online dating profile too picky!

 

Join our community

So why not join our excellent Facebook group called “What’s the weather like up there” (We hope you like the name as much as us!), it’s great to share tall stories like this one, or tall humor, jokes, basically anything tall-related. You can join by clicking HERE.

 

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Typos in your dating profile almost certainly spell disaster!

Why? Well, we can put it down to the following reasons:

1. Shows you don’t care

Part of being successful on internet dating sites is being able to prove to the person you want to date that you are on there to meet someone.

Being able to log into most sites for free is great on one hand as it allows people to try a site before they pay, but on the other, it means there are a lot of profiles out there from people who just aren’t serious but thought they would try it one evening.

By not taking time over your profile and checking things like spelling and grammar, you are really showing someone that you don’t care.

That you aren’t worried about taking time over your profile. That you don’t want to take the time over your profile in order to find someone to date.

These are not positive signs! So make sure you don’t give someone that impression and take a few more hours over your profile.

2. Shows you’re not careful

Some research we carried out also showed that bad spelling and grammar meant that someone would think you were not careful.

Is that a great thing to be?

The answer is no. So again don’t lead someone into thinking that way about you and instead check your spelling and grammar.

3. Makes you look uneducated

Another knock on effect is that it can lead someone to think you are uneducated. Bad grammar is associated with 80% of cases with uneducated people. So avoid that by checking it today!

Some people think this can’t be the case as you put in your highest education, but that only tells someone what level you stayed at school till (i.e., A-level, or degree), it doesn’t tell them what grade you got.

Bad grammar and spelling will make them think it was a low grade and perhaps even make them think you are lying on your education level.

4. If you know you are a bad speller, use charm and whit

In some cases, there may be a legitimate case for why you are a bad speller if, for example, you are dyslexic. If this applies to you, then firstly be cheeky about it.

We have seen someone put in their profile, the first line read “I’ll buy you a drink for every typo”. Which is great, but then you must put in your profile at some point the reason why, as in this case as you are dyslexic.

Now one word of caution is don’t lay it on thick. For example, we once saw someone put.. “due to my disability, my profile sucks and that’s why I never get a date”. This type of thing was all over their profile. Don’t do it! Just mention it once and move on.

Richard Branson, for example, is dyslexic and he mentions it in most of his books. However, in most cases, he only mentions it once and all of the time he mentions it as a positive, for example, he says attributes his great memory due to him being dyslexic.

So how do you avoid bad spelling and grammar?

1. Write your profile on a word processor first.

Write the profile on a word processor and once complete run a spelling and grammar check.

2. Re-read the profile a couple of times.

Re-read your profile and look out for bad grammar and spelling. A common mistake, for example, is the use of there, they’re and their!

3. Get a friend to give it the once over

Why not ask a friend who is good with grammar and spelling to give it the once-over. They may well spot something you haven’t.

4. Download Grammarly

You can download Grammarly to your good chrome as an extension.  It is a brilliant little FREE tool which will check your grammar and spelling as you type.

You can find out more here

 

Get more dates by avoiding typos in your profile!  Go have a read of your profile today and check your spelling and grammar!

 

Why not take a look at some of our other blog posts:

Top 8 tips for replying to an online dating message

Should you update your profile

 

Join our community

So why not join our excellent Facebook group called “What’s the weather like up there” (We hope you like the name as much as us!), it’s great to share tall stories like this one, or tall humor, jokes, basically anything tall-related. You can join by clicking HERE.