Most people fear being alone and yearn for love, yet they get stuck in a single life, repeatedly fail in their relationships and are permanently single. You must remember there are plenty of people out there who don’t want to be alone anymore, in this article we look at ways to avoid it.
So how do you reverse the tide? They want closeness, but if it is there, it’s too much.
One obstacle if you are finding people to start a relationship with, could be the fear of commitment and yes it is a real fear. Here are the possible “roots” of this fear:
Its common in people who have a commitment fear that the desire for a partnership does not outweigh the fear of failure.
They suffer badly with a lack of self-esteem, they fear not satisfying their partner and being left alone again.
You find that people with low self-esteem cannot tolerate rejection and are easily hurt or offended.
They cannot imagine that someone could love them just as they are and they worry that they will never be the someone that they IMAGINE (note the deliberate highlighting of that word) their partner would want them to be.
So they either become very overprotective or flee from the relationship altogether.
2. Avoidance strategies
People who suffer from commitment issues usually develop avoidance strategy. The strategy is to not get into a situation that means you might have to commit.
It might mean that you even avoid dating full stop (which means, of course, you are never going to fall in love), here are a few examples of people deploying the avoidance strategy:
2.1. Saying you don’t have the time to date
When of course the reality is that they could turn the TV off one night and go on a date instead!
Or they could leave work slightly earlier one night and go for a drink. Does logging on to an online dating service really take that much time?
2.2. They prioritise work over love
Saying their career is important, or they must stay late to get something done when the reality is that even the busiest of people can find time if they want to.
No one can honestly be busy 24/7.
2.3. I fall in love with the “wrong” people
This is a very common excuse. But ask anyone who is married if they ever dated someone who was the “wrong” person and the majority of them will say “yes”.
It’s part of the course of finding someone you do want to settle down with. If you don’t date someone who is “wrong” how do you know when you meet someone who is “right”.
All of these excuses just hide the real problem. The real problem is “you”. You are the problem because you have commitment phobia. So you need to deal with it if you are going to settle down.
3. Look at yourself and your anti commitment schemes
The only real way to deal with it is to first accept and recognise that you have a commitment issue and you have a strong bond with the fear of failing.
This is not easy of course as you are admitting that your self-esteem is low and that you are covering up deeper issues.
You need to tell yourself each day that you are a good person, that you have good qualities and you are a good “catch”.
Believe in yourself and slowly but surely your self-esteem should build.
Then spot these committment cover ups and deal with them head on, don’t make excuses not to date and never fear failure. Its a simple fact that not all relationships can work and not all will. However, live with the believe that over time you will find one that does work and trust us, when it does it will feel fanrastic and will make your life complete.
Overall remember that in order to love someone else you have to love yourself first.
You don’t want to be alone anymore, there is nothing wrong with thinking that way.
I hope the above highlights some of the things you may be doing to stand in the way of love.
Believe in yourself and believe that you can find love and slowly but surely it might just happen.
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