Write that first message and make sure it gets a reply

write that first message, online dating, singles
Computer, pad and pen on a desk

In this article, we are going to tell you how to write that first message and make sure you get a reply.

So you have a great main profile picture as you followed our advice (if you haven’t read that post click HERE) and you have a killer profile (read our blog post HERE) so now you want to write that first message.

So here is a great way to write it.

1. Leave the subject line until last

You want the subject to match the content and you don’t know what the content is yet so plan the content first.

2. Remember they can read your profile so don’t repeat it in your message.

A common mistake people make is they rewrite their profile in their message and that makes your email worthless!

You see when someone sees you have messaged them, they are either going to read it first and then check out your profile, or read your profile and then the message. Some obviously might not go to your profile at all but that in our experience is pretty rare.

So repeating what is already in your profile just makes your message boring and that’s definitely what you want to avoid in your message.

3. Draft it on word

Draft the message on Microsoft Word or some other word processor, run a spelling and grammar check and then copy and paste it into the message.

You can also download a really great spelling and grammar checker called Grammarly which will check your message for errors as you write it.  Best of all it’s FREE!

Bad spelling and grammar is a complete turn off!

4. Start with Hi, Hello or Hey

Start with one of these simple words.

5. The first sentence – when you write that first message avoid common beginnings

Avoid common starting sentences, such as:

  • I’m new to this and don’t know what to put
  • I saw your profile and just had to send a message (well obviously that’s why you are messaging)
  • I have been trying to come up with this message for ages.

These are all common beginnings, you need to stand out, grab attention and be different.

6. The first sentence – show you read their email.

We believe you need to show in your first email that you read their profile as if you can show that, you have shown you have taken the time to do so. Taking that time shows you are serious and that’s a great way to start!

So if you haven’t read their profile go and read it again. When reading it, make a couple of notes on anything they seem really passionate about. Do they pick out anything that they really enjoy doing, a past time? a hobby? Do they mention a specific place they really enjoy visiting? Have they had any fantastic experiences in the past that they are sharing on their profile?

Have they asked a question in their profile that you could answer in your email or an open-ended sentence? For example, they might have ended with “just send me a message” and you start your email with “I’d like to know you, so here’s your message”.

7. Avoid common content to stand out.

So as we always say you need to stand out, so here is a list of really common things people talk about, so you can avoid it:

  • Everyone talks about travel – Whether it’s “I have always wanted to go to….”, “I have travelled…”, “I loved my gap year when I went to…”, so leave the travel talk to message 2 or 3.
  • Rain, everyone seems to love it… they love to put “love watching rain…”, “love the clear air after it has rained…”, “love being out in the rain..”, It’s honestly amazing the number of times we see this.
  • People love talking about themselves, again the number of times people put… “I’m 32, single, have a steady job but something is missing”… well of course that’s the case it’s why you’re on the site in the first place!
  • I love having a laugh and I love being funny – Yes, of course, you do, everyone does don’t them? Again everyone puts that, but of course, it is a given right? Everyone wants to be with someone who makes them happy and laugh!

8. Do mention why YOU are interested in them

Something made you want to email them, just think about that, something made you want to email them out of all the people on the site, you chose them. So spell out what it was.

Was it the fantastic smile in their photo? Their beautiful long brunette hair? Was it the fact they were a gym freak? Or the fact they seemed to have a bubbly personality.

Spell it out to them, as you want them to know what you think is important to you about them. Plus pointing out nice things is flattering and everyone loves that!

9. Put a joke in there

Why not add a little joke, but make it easy to read if that makes sense and as subtle as possible. A great one I read once, was a guy who had no hair, put in his message “Fancy a walk along the seafront, I love the feeling of wind through my hair!”

Or you could put in your best funny joke.

10. End with a question.

End your message with a question so they have something to reply to. But again make it original and in keeping with the theme of the message. Again avoid the travelling questions!


So there you have it, that is how you write that first message! Do you have any other techniques you use to write that first message?  If so we would love to hear them, why not drop a comment in the box below?


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