What is the Reward Theory of Attraction?

The reward theory of attraction states that the more someone’s presence makes us feel good, the more we prioritise that relationship.

It is even easier to understand the opposite way around. If someone constantly made you feel down and depressed, would you want to spend any considerable time with them?

The answer is surely no!

How does it work?

Our mind quickly associates us feeling good with that person and we go on to develop a new appreciation for them.

A fondness if you like for the things that make them unique. That is why, as ugly as it may be the way that someone’s nose wrinkles when they laugh, can set your heart racing.

This is the reward theory of attraction.

Wikipedia defines this as:

The theory that states that people like those whose behavior is rewarding to them or whom they associate with rewarding events.

More clearly stated this means people are attracted to those who in some way make them feel good or are attracted to those who remind them of people that they enjoy being around.

So how do you use this to your advantage when internet dating?

Right from the very outset, you need to make the person you want to date feel good. Get to know them and make your interactions as fun as possible.

Make sure they will always feel good when they read your message and that they realise you will be fun to be around.

It’s really quite simple, make someone feel good and in turn, they will want to be with you and will see you more attractive over time.


We have some other great articles on theories like this, the links for which are below:

What is Relational Mate Value?

What is the halo effect?


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